The Real One
by CatHatGirl
Summary: Mandy's dad is just about her least favorite person in the world. He's a jerk. But it doesn't matter, because she has a secret that she learned years ago: he's not her real father. NO PAIRINGS. Please do not assume a hinted pairing or the story is ruined!
1. The Baby and the Man

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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"Idiot!"

The young, yellow-haired girl kicked furiously at the ground as she went.

"Idiot, Idiot, _Idiot!_"

"What's wrong, Mandy?

Mandy stopped kicking the sidewalk and looked up. Billy was standing in front of her.

"Oh. Billy."

"Are you mad at yourself, Mandy?" the large-nosed boy put a grubby hand on her shoulder.

"Not at myself. At _him!_" she gave the gravely sidewalk a good whack with her black shoe. "And get your paws off me."

"Who's 'him'?"

She let out a huff.

"My stupid dad. I can't stand him and his messed-up... idiot self!"

"What happened?" Billy asked.

"We got in another stupid fight today. I caught him whining to Mom about, _'Oh, why doesn't she respect us? She's our daughter!'_. So I stepped in and told him to shut up and stop fussing, and then we argued, and then he started _crying_ at me!"

She made a noise of disgust.

"Grown men aren't supposed to cry," she said. "It's despicable."

"Well...," Billy said, "why don't you show him respect?"

"_What?_"

"I mean, you know," Billy began to twiddle his thumbs. "He _is_ your dad..."

For a minute, Mandy looked like she was going to hit him for even suggesting she do that. Then, she calmed down and sighed.

"Listen, Billy," she said. "There's more to being respected than just being old. You have to be wise, too. Wisdom is like being mentally old, and it doesn't go by time. Being physically old, like my father, gets you instant respect from some people. But the respect you get for being mentally old is the kind you have to earn. To work for."

She and Billy began to walk down the sidewalk together.

"Now," said Mandy. "My dad, mentally, is nothing but a big, fat baby. Babies are ignorant and love to cry. Babies always need someone to manage their lives for them. If there's a challenge, babies don't know what to do, so they wait for someone to carry them through it. When someone is as old as my dad is, there's no reason why they should still act like that. You're asking me why I don't respect him, Billy? Well, I just don't give respect to a baby that age."

They walked to Billy's house and sat down next to each other on the front step.

"Mandy," Billy said, finally. "How can you talk so badly about someone you love?"

Mandy grimaced. "I don't love him."

"What...?" Billy looked stunned. "What do you mean?"

"I hate his guts," she said simply. "That's all. He's stupid, and he's a coward, and he wouldn't know authority if it smashed a hole in his dumb head."

Now she seemed to be thinking about something. In an almost hesitant way, she leaned closer to him.

"I'll tell you a secret, though," she whispered. "He's not my real father."

Billy's eyes widened. "He's not?"

"Nope. I found out when I was very little. My real dad and my mom got divorced when I was still too young to remember, and he moved five states away. But I still found out. His name is John Corin."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and you know what else?" she said. She seemed so excited just talking about it. "I've been writing him letters. For years, now. I... I don't know where he lives, yet, but I'm gonna find out. And when I do, I'm gonna send all my letters to him!"

Her eyes lit up, almost like she was happy. Really happy.

"Someday, I'm gonna meet him. Then, I can get away from this messed-up family for good. I'll move to where he is and forget all about my life here."

Billy looked sad. "Aww. Will you come back for visits?"

"Well, okay. Sometimes. But I'm never talking to my mom and dad again as soon as I get away from them."

She leaned back on the porch step.

"Let's see how those two babies do when they've got no one to cry at but each other."


	2. Dear Dad

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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Dear Dad,

It's me, Mandy. I just thought I'd write to you again. I had a dumb day today. My dad at home said I wasn't showing him enough respect. I told him to drop dead. But don't start thinking I'm some kind of brat, or something. He was being a total idiot. I don't know why Mom picked him over you.

Do you ever miss Mom? I wouldn't. She's such a ditz. And did you know she uses spray-on tan, now? It's disgusting. Why did you like her so much? She's stupid.

Do you ever miss me? I mean, I know I've asked that before, but I just wonder sometimes. I mean, I know you do, but everyone wonders, right?

Also, I told Billy about you. I must have mentioned him to you, before, right? He's my friend. He's really dumb, too, but not like Mom and my other dad. I guess it's okay for him to be dumb, because nobody depends on him. Once he's old enough to support a family, though, he's going to have to start getting smarter.

I really hope you'll enjoy reading all these letters, someday. I know I've written a lot of them, and by now you must be tired of reading them. You don't have to answer each and every one of them. Just write back as soon as you can.

I can't wait to meet you for real. When I find you, I won't have to write you letters. I can just talk to you, and we can be a family again. Maybe I can even move to where you are?

Anyway, that's all for now. I'll make sure to write again, soon.

Your daughter,

Mandy


	3. Mandy's Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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Mandy read the letter over, then carefully folded it into thirds and placed it in a shoe box. The box had been sitting in her room for years. It's corners were worn, and most of the original image had been scratched off. There were even a few bite marks left from when a much younger Mandy had been bored on a rainy day. She had gotten her first loose tooth chewing on that box.

The shoe box held over fifty letters; possibly sixty-something. She had been writing them since... well, years ago. There were even a few early letters that she had lost track of long ago. She never failed to put the latest news in her life down on stationary. She wrote faithfully, frequently, and usually in great detail. Mandy sometimes felt that if she had ever had a heart (which, frankly, she doubted), it had probably been tucked somewhere in that box among the letters.

Or maybe it was with her father. Her real father. She wanted to meet him. To see him. Really see him. She often thought about him-- what he looked like, what he acted like, the kinds of people he liked...

Would he like her? Maybe. Some parts of her mind told her,_ "Yes! Of course! He's your father!"_ and,_ "Probably, since you're no doubt alike."_ But others said things like, _"Well, he doesn't really know you, and you _would_ be giving him a lot to think about at once with all these letters,"_ or, _"You're such a brat. Why would_ anyone _like you?"_ or even the dreaded, _"Maybe _you're_ the reason he left in the first place."_ But, for all practical purposes, Mandy had decided to assume he liked her, and wanted to know her as much as she wanted to know him.

Then, of course, there was the much safer topic of what he looked like. Blonde, probably, since she had her suspicions about the legitimacy of her mother's hair color. Tan skin-- for real, not spray-on-- because he was probably quite active and an outdoors-man. Tall, for sure, and with a scratchy kind of stubble on his chin that all fathers are just supposed to have.

She sometimes dreamed about him at night, and he didn't always look the way she pictured him. Still, she always knew it was him, because of the way they just seemed to know each other. The way it just seemed to feel right. In her dreams, she would be walking through a strange town, or some other place. Then, suddenly, here would be this man. And he would see her, and know her, and take her up in one strong, firm hug. He would tell her how he had read her letters-- each and every one of them-- and that now that she was here, he could answer all her questions, each and every one of them. Face to face.

Of course, later in the day, she would feel stupid for having these dreams. She would go back in her mind and correct all the little problems in logic. These were things like how she was there in the first place, and how they would automatically know each other, and how hugs were for weaklings, and her father obviously wasn't weak, so he obviously wouldn't hug her. But still, she would dream about him night and day, about his good, fatherly face, and about his sharp, quick wit, and his answers to her questions, and, yes, even about his hugs.

Mandy took her shoe box and placed it lightly on the middle shelf in her closet. Then, she closed the door carefully. She looked at her clock. 10:00 P.M. It was about time for bed.

Quietly, she changed into her pajamas and flicked off her lights. She crawled into bed and closed her eyes, wondering if maybe she would dream about him again, tonight. After some consideration, she decided that she really hoped so.


	4. The Truth About Love

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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"Mandy?"

They were on the bus home from school.

"Yes?"

Mandy and Billy were sitting next to each other, as usual. Billy looked troubled.

"Umm, why'd you say you don't love your parents?"

"Because I don't."

"Yeah... but... you have to love them. They're your _parents_."

Mandy sighed. He didn't understand.

"Billy, what does it mean to love someone?"

He looked surprised by this question. "Well, when you love somebody, you like them a whole lot. You want to be around them. You can't picture your life without them, and you like to stand closer to them than other people."

Mandy wasn't surprised at his answer. Billy would know that. He loved almost everyone on the planet.

"Exactly," she said. "Now, look at me. Do I like _anybody_ a whole lot?"

"No."

"Do I want to be around people?"

"No."

"What do I spend most of my time thinking about?"

Billy thought for a moment.

"... Irwin?"

"_Eww!_ No! I spend my days picturing what life would be like if half the people on the earth no longer existed."

"Oh."

"Exactly. Now, do I like physical contact of any kind?"

"Umm," he said, "you like to hit people."

"Other than that."

"Uh, no."

"Right. So, do I love people?"

"Um, no?"

"Right. I'm antisocial."

Billy scratched his head.

"Yeah, but even a... a... a _non-social_ person still loves _somebody_, right?"

Mandy sighed again. He still didn't get it.

"Billy, what do I always say about love?"

"That it's all you need?"

"That it only causes pain."

"... Oh."

"Billy," Mandy said, "How many pets have you ever had?"

"A whole bunch," Billy proclaimed proudly.

"Precisely, Billy. Did you love them?"

"Each and every one!"

"Well, what did you do when they died?"

Billy got quiet, suddenly. They didn't die," he said slowly. "They went away."

"What did you do when they went away?"

"I... cried my eyes out."

"Okay. What are you going to do when Milkshakes and Mr. Snuggles go away?"

"They're never gonna go away!" he said. "They love me!"

"Be reasonable, Billy."

"No!"

"Billy."

She looked at him, and he looked at the seat ahead of him.

"I'm gonna cry my eyes out," he said softly.

"Exactly," she nodded. "Billy, there are several ways that love can bring unbearable pain. A loved one could... 'go away', like all your pets. Then, you still love them, but you can't be around them, they're completely gone from your life, and the closest you can stand with them is in front of their grave stone. That's no fun, now, is it?"

Billy shook his head. Mandy continued.

"Another thing is that the things that make them happy don't necessarily make you happy, but the things that hurt them always hurt you, too. That's just the way it is."

Billy nodded quietly.

"Also," she said, "they could do something to betray you. You gave them all this love, and what did they do? They hurt you. What did you get from that? Pain."

"Not always..."

"_Yes_, always. And then there's this, Billy."

They looked at each other.

"The person you love could be a completely terrible person. Unreliable, ungrateful, mean, stupid... they could be anything. Even abusive."

"What's 'abusive'?"

"Do you know how Sperg always picks on you, Billy? Do you know how he hits you and steals from you? He publicly humiliates you, just for the fun of it."

"Yeah."

"Well, what if you loved someone like that?"

Billy was silent again.

"They could be a horrible person. Unhealthy to be around. But what are you supposed to do? Stop loving them? You can't. It's really hard to let go of a love that's bad for you, Billy. Not very many people manage to stop loving someone." She looked out the window. "That's why I don't bother to start."

As they were getting off the bus, Billy put a hand on her shoulder. She cringed, slightly.

"You're wrong, Mandy," he said. "I feel sorry for you."

That was all.

He left her standing there, utterly confused.


	5. Pitied By Lowlives

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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_Sorry_ for her...?

_Sorry _for her?!

She kicked the side of her bed hard. As could have been expected, the confusion Billy had given her to contemplate had hardened into pure rage by the time she'd gotten home.

_Sorry_ for her! She'd show _him_ sorry! In fact, she was the one who should have been sorry for him! Him and all those stupid friends... If he wanted to deal with the pain;

if he wanted to deal with the ingrates, the idiots, the... the rotting dead, then by all means, he could! But it was only going to end in wasted love and a wasted life. Then he'd be sorry for sure. He could be sorry all he wanted. And she would just sit back and laugh. Well... not laugh. Something else. Watch him die alone, maybe.

_You're wrong, Mandy. I feel sorry for you._ Something about that just made her want to... rip the head off a stuffed animal. Or a real animal. Or a brainless little big-nosed boy.

Or write a letter.

That was it; she could write a letter to her dad telling him how much she hated Billy. He'd understand, right?

Dear Dad,

Billy is a

She tried to think of the worst possible curse word to describe Billy, but she couldn't, so she just tore up the stationary.

Dear Dad,

I want to

She tried to think of the worst possible thing she could do to Billy, but she couldn't, so she just tore up the stationary.

Dear Dad,

Billy can just

She tried to think of the worst possible thing Billy could do to himself, but she couldn't, so she just slammed her head down on her writing desk and groaned loudly.

"I hate him!"

She slammed her head again.

"I hate him!"

Slam.

"I hate him!"

Slam. Slam. Slam.

"I... I..."

Dear Dad,

Have you ever been jealous of someone who isn't as good as you? Today, Billy asked me why I told him that love only brings pain. Then, he told me I was wrong and he felt sorry for me! Love hurts, and it weakens the mind (which explains why he's so dumb all the time). But I think I'm jealous of him, and it doesn't make sense. I mean, we both have the same amount of friends, and our parents are all stupid. In fact, he's stupid and weak, and I'm not. If anything, I'm better off than he is.

He's just so happy all the time. Is that because he's in love with basically the whole world? Everyone knows the whole world isn't in love with him. In fact, lots of people hate him.

What would you say? Does love always end in pain? Is it all you need, like Billy says? Have you ever had a loving relationship that didn't end in loss?

Write back soon,

Mandy


	6. The Realization

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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When she opened her eyes, they were stung with the gleam of clean, yellow light. She felt the hard desk surface on her face, warm and wet where her breath had touched it. She had fallen asleep, not for the first time that day, at her desk at school.

She had been awake for quite a while the night before. At first, she had stayed up trying to write more letters, but she hadn't been able to think of anything to say. After that, she had just lain awake, thinking about what Billy had said.

She lifted her face from her desk and picked up her pencil once again. Her mostly bare history assignment stared up at her. She began to try to write another sentence, then sighed and gave up. She would finish it later.

Now, after several hours of thinking things through and straightening out her mind, she had come to her usual conclusion: Billy was wrong, and she was right. Billy was stupid. He didn't know the first thing about anything. Why should she assume that he knew anything about love?

Mandy sighed. She just couldn't help feeling that she was being excluded from some big secret.

Still, she had chosen her walk of life. Billy and all the others could go let people manipulate them and abuse them and betray them. She would be way ahead of them all, going it alone and taking care of herself, and...

And playing it safe?

...No! Mandy never played it safe. She was a risk-taker. Smart enough not to plunge head-first into a dead end, perhaps. Being a risk-taker didn't mean she had to go and be stupid.

She felt her eyelids grow heavy again. Was it just her, or was this classroom even more dull than usual? She yawned and put her head back down.

As her eyes closed, the sounds of sleep began to murmur in the back of her head. Ah, yes. This was much nicer than schoolwork. She settled comfortably into her dream.

_This time, he was older. Not extremely old, just older than one would expect. But, of course, it was still him. He was sitting on an old park bench, reading the paper. She addressed him, and he looked up and smiled. He was surprised to see her, of course, as was she to see him. However, they had each known that they would meet each other someday, so it didn't come as so much of a shock as one might think._

_He scooted over and invited her up onto the bench with him. With an answering nod, she hopped onto the bench and into his warm embrace. That was another thing about her father. He was always warm._

_He told her how he had missed her, how he had always wanted so much to have his daughter back with him. She told him she had felt the same about having a father. He told her that he was sorry that he'd left, that he very much hoped that she understood the complications that had kept them apart. She told him she didn't blame him for being away, and that she was sorry she hadn't gone to look for him from the start. He told her it had made him so happy that she had written him so many letters, and he couldn't wait to talk with her about each one. She told him she would like nothing better. He pulled her closer. He told her not to worry, that he was going to be her father, now. He told her that it was all going to be so much better, told her to let go of her problems, told her to trust him. He told her that he would always be there for her from then on._

_She held tighter to his shirt front. She breathed in his good, fatherly smell._

_And the words that left her mouth made her entire body freeze._

Her eyes opened wide. She sat up immediately, tearing her face from the sticky, wet desk.

No. It wasn't right. It couldn't have been. She couldn't have said it, not even in a dream. This just... wasn't something Mandy said. It couldn't be real. It couldn't be true.

And yet, there it had been.

She had thought it, she had said it, she had felt it.

She tore several sheets of loose-leaf paper out of her binder. She didn't have stationary, but it couldn't wait. She had to write the letter.


	7. Sweet Surrender

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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Dear Dad,

I love you. There, I said it. I love you, I love you, I love you. Does this make me a hypocrite?

I know this is stupid, but it's true. I don't even know you. You don't know me. We're two strangers, and this is how I feel. I really hope that, after you read my letters, you'll love me, too.

You want to know something even more stupid? I want you to be my father. I would rather live with you than the nut job I'm living with now. How long have I felt this way? A long time. Ever since I first heard about you.

Even as I write this down, I'm realizing how crazy this sounds. I can't love you, right? I've never met you. But I still do. I swear I'm not insane. Please believe me. I don't know what I'm doing, or what I'm trying to say. I just had to write you this letter.

Please don't laugh when you read this letter. I know it's probably the dumbest thing you've ever heard. I don't think I've ever been this confused about anything in my life. My wish is that you'd love me back and be my father. I know it's the stupidest, craziest, most unrealistic dream I've ever had. This is completely unreal. But this is the realest feeling I've ever had, and I know it. You are the most real thing that's happened to me in a long time.

With love,

Mandy


	8. Grim and the Letters

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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Mandy and Billy had a good friend named Grim, who was the Grim Reaper. He had many terrible powers, which he controlled with his scythe. The two children had reasonable power and authority over the Grim Reaper, because they had won a bet with him. Grim, after the bet, had been reduced to being their "best friend forever", and, in essence, their servant.

The three often got on each other's nerves. There were many times when Grim did not want to be around Billy and Mandy, and an equal amount of times when Billy and Mandy did not want to be around Grim. Yet, overall, they tolerated each other, and on good days, they might even have admitted to being actual friends.

Since Grim was one of the most intelligent beings Mandy knew, and vice-versa, they often conversed about very many things. Most of Mandy's other friends were either too stupid of too annoying to talk to for very long. Grim had similar problems with his friends, and so he usually chatted with Mandy when he had nothing else to do. If they had nothing to talk about, they just complained to each other about how dumb life was. In fact, they found each other's negative views quite appealing.

"This is some pretty crazy news," Grim said. "How come you never told me about him before?"

"I don't know. I guess it's kind of private."

Mandy and Grim were sitting on the couch, as usual.

"How did you find out about him?"

"I don't really remember," she said. "It was a really long time ago. It almost feels like I've known about him forever."

"And you've never sent him any of the letters?"

Mandy shook her head. "Not a single one. I don't know where he lives. Never been able to dig up the address. But he's out there. And I'll find him someday."

"Wow," Grim said. Afterr a few quiet moments, he said, "Do you remember him? Your father?"

"No," she said softly. "I wish I did, though. He must be a really cool person to know."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't know. I guess what I've always figured is this: My parents are total idiots, right? But I'm not. And I'm still not that great of a person. I'm half way between a jerky, idiotic person and a good person."

"What do you mean?"

"Well," she said, "if an idiot jerk and a great person get together and have a kid, that kid's gonna be not dumb, but not great, either, right?"

"I would guess so."

"Right. So, in order to balance everything out, my real dad must just be really great!"

"Well," Grim said, "that's an... interesting way to think of it."

"Thank you."

"So, why are you telling me all this?"

"What? I don't know," Mandy sighed. "I've only told Billy about it, and he doesn't seem to care that much."

"Oh."

They were quiet for a while. Mandy sat, listening to the clock. This was getting awkward. Maybe she shouldn't have told him about it.

"Can I see you're letters?"

"What?"

"The letters you wrote. Can I see some of them?"

Mandy didn't know what to say. Did she even want to show him the box? These letters were, well, they were really personal.

"Come on, please?" Grim said. "I promise I won't laugh at them."

"No."

"What, is it embarrassing?"

"Well, no..."

"Listen. I've done my share of embarrassing things for you and Billy. And mine were way worse!"

"Like what?"

"There was the time you made me dress up as a girl in public," Grim said.

"I bet you five bucks you would have done that on your own."

"There was the time Billy brought me to school with him and made me pretend to be a display classroom skeleton. Remember? To help him cheat on the test?"

"What's so bad about that?"

"I had to be naked."

"Oh."

"Trust me, Mandy," Grim said. "I've done a lot more embarrassing things for you than you have for me. I could count ten times off my fingers right now. In fact, remember that time at the carnival? If I hadn't--"

"Alright, fine," Mandy said. "I'll show you the dumb letters. Come to my room."

Grim followed her into her room. She opened her closet door and produced the old shoe box. She closed the door and the curtains, and they both sat down on her bed.

She actually noticed a bit of excitement as she pulled out one of her earliest letters. She did not like to be very open about her personal life, but these letters were meant to be read. She had always wondered what it would be like when they were finally seen by someone other than herself.

Grim unfolded the letter carefully and read it aloud, which made her even more nervous. It was from when she was very little; one of the first letters in the box. It read like this:

Dear Daddy.

Hi its me agein. Today my frend and me played. The game we play today is the Bloo dog and the Red cat and it was fun but then my frend was stupid and I hit him. I think that MABYE tomorow we can go to the park and I can play with you and you can be the Bloo dog and I dont care. When I see you I am gona give you EVEN MORE THEN ILEVEN HUGS!!

From: Mandy.

"'Even more than eleven'?" Grim said.

"I used to think eleven was the biggest number there was," Mandy mumbled.

"Heh. That's cute."

"You said you wouldn't laugh."

"I'm not."

"You said 'heh'," she said. "That counts as a laugh."

"Oh. Sorry."

He read a few more of them, and Mandy relaxed a little. It was nice to have someone really read them. And many of the letters had been sitting in the box for so long that she had forgotten about them.

Dear Daddy.

I got a new puppy named Saliva today. He has funny feet.

From: Mandy.

"That was short."

"I know. Some of them are."

After about twelve letters, they found some from her ten-year-old years.

Dear Dad,

I hate Mindy. I swear I'm going to murder her some day. I don't care where she bought her new skirt; I just hope it catches on a nail in a burning building somewhere and...

The letter was extremely dark and violent.

"Why the heck would your father want to read about this?!" Grim said.

"I don't know. There's a lot of those. I was just angry when I wrote them."

Dear Dad,

There is this new boy at my school named Piff, and I...

"Skip that one."

"Okay."

Dear Dad,

I absolutely hate Grim. He's a jerk, and I wish he'd die...

"There's a lot of those, too," Mandy said. "No offense."

"None taken."

Dear Dad,

I love you. There, I said it. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Grim stopped.

"What?" Mandy said.

"Did you really write that?"

"Yeah..."

"Really? You?"

"Yeah. So what?"

"I," Grim said, "I don't think I've ever heard you say that about anything before."

"Well, I did, okay?"

A smile came across Grim's face. "Heh. Love. I never would have guessed."

He started to chuckle a little, then a lot, which made her go pink in the face.

"It's not funny," she said.

"When in the heck did you write something like this?!" Grim laughed. Out loud.

She snatched the letter away from him. "Two days ago," she said. "And stop laughing!"

Grim stopped and looked at her. She was beet red.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry, Mandy. Really, I am. I shouldn't have laughed."

"Whatever. I shouldn't have shown it to you."

"No. I'm serious. I won't laugh anymore."

"These are getting boring, anyway. I'll just put them away."

"No, it's okay. I still--"

"Shut up."

She got up off the bed and put her box of letters back in the closet.

"You should go," she said.

Grim didn't seem to know what to do.

"What do you mean?"

"You get up, and you walk to the door, and you turn the handle," she said slowly. "It's not that hard."

He did.

"I'm... I'm really sorry... I didn't know it was so..."

Mandy looked at him.

"It's okay if you think it's stupid. Just tell me first."

Then, she closed the door and lay on her bed. This was why you weren't supposed to trust people.


	9. The Confrontation

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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She lay on her side, in the middle of her bed. She listened to Grim's footsteps down the hall, heard him leave the house. She was glad he was leaving. She hoped he was afraid to come back.

He had betrayed her. Sure, it didn't seem like much to him; just a box of old letters, right? But he didn't know what they were to her. These letters were special. No, more than special. These letters were _her_. They were her heart and her mind and her very soul, and he'd _laughed_ at them. She had trusted him with the most secret, the most personal parts of her life, the thoughts and memories that she had never shown anyone. And he had laughed. He had laughed.

_An image crossed her mind. A young girl of about four. Lying on a bed. Shaking. In her trembling left hand, she held a single, crumpled sheet of plain, white paper._

Mandy blinked and the girl was gone from her mind.

A little later, she left her room and went to the living room to watch TV. If she had a lot on her mind, the television was usually pretty good at cheering her up. She found her father on the couch, already watching his favorite, stupid football game.

"Move," she said. "I wand to watch something."

He barely noticed her at first.

"I said move."

He looked over at her. "Well... um, actually, uh...," he stuttered, "I was... hoping, um, to watch this game."

He was intimidated. By his own daughter. What a man.

"I was hoping to watch something else. Get off the couch."

"But, Mandy..."

"Off."

He stood up. She sat down. He remained standing. Mandy watched him, waiting for him to sit down in a chair. Or go away. Anything. He didn't, just stood staring at her.

"What?" she said slowly. "The chair's over there."

He didn't move his gaze. Didn't blink.

"M... m... mandy..."

"What?"

No answer. He stood there for perhaps another minute or two. She narrowed her eyes.

"W... well..."

"Well?"

"Umm... um, I--"

"_Out with it_."

"Mandy, I think you should show me more respect."

What...? Where had that come from? He continued.

"I've... I've... I've been raising you for ten years, now... and... I deserve better."

He was looking at her as if she had a gun pointed to his head.

"I...," he gulped, "I want you to start acting like a daughter."

Mandy stood up, kept watching him.

"Who the heck do you think you are?"

"Wh... what?"

She stepped closer to him.

"Who are you trying to be, huh? Talking to me like that?"

She picked up the remote and switched off the TV, without taking her eyes off him. Her mother walked into the living room.

"Honey? I heard some noise. Is everything... oh." Her parents could always tell when one of them had set off another land mine.

Mandy kept glaring at him. He stared back at her.

"So, you want me to start acting like a daughter, huh?" she began examining her hands casually. "Guess you're trying to be a man. Look who wants to step up to the plate. _Now_."

"M... mandy, I--"

"Why the sudden change of heart? Did you finally get a decent blueprint? Oprah

tell you how to do it in ten easy steps?"

"I'm just tired of you always being this way!" he said. "Why don't you just behave!?"

Her mother looked worried. "Honey, don't push this. We don't need to make this into a bigger thing than it is..."

"Well, Claire, it's already big, okay?" he said, beads of sweat appearing on his forehead. "I have raised her all this time, and all she's done is give me this ungrateful trash every day! And I'm _tired_ of it!"

"_Raised_?!" Mandy said, her voice becoming louder. "When was the last time you

ever raised me? Last I checked, you've been letting me raise my own dumb self!!"

Her father's voice was rising as well.

"I have kept food in your stomach and clothes on your back for ten years, and you know it!"

"Oh! Great job! You fed me! Now I'm just like a house pet!"

"Well, maybe I can't pay _attention_ to you every single second!"

"Maybe I don't _need _you every second! Maybe I could just use one stupid day where you look me in the eye, for once!"

"I am!"

"Are you looking me in the eye, or are you staring at my face?" she yelled. "Come on, do it! Look me in the eye!"

"Mandy--"

"Look me in the eye!"

He looked to the left of him. Shut his eyes tight.

"Be a man and look me in the eye!"

"Stop it, Mandy. I swear I--"

"Just do it! Look me in the eye!"

"Mandy--!"

"_Just look me in my stupid eyes!!_"

"Children can't talk to their fathers like that," he nearly whispered.

"_Well, you're not my real father!!_"

The room fell silent. Her mother stared at him. He stared at her mother. They both looked at her.

"What, you thought I didn't know?" she said quietly. "You thought I didn't know about him? Yeah, I knew. I've known for a long time. The divorce. The move. You really

thought I'd never find out?"

"Mandy..."

"Shut up. I don't need you two. Not if I've got John Corin. He's better than both of you put together; I just know he is. I'm going to meet my real dad someday, and he's going to be so much better than you."

"Mandy," he said.

"I'll find him. I know I'll find him. And then I'm never coming back, or--"

"Mandy," he said again. "Who is... John Corin?"

"Oh," she said, turning towards her mother. "You never told him about John?"

Then she left the two of them standing in the living room. She went to her room and slammed the door.


	10. The Visitors

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

- - - - - - - - - -

She sat in her room, listening to the rise and fall of her parents' voices. "Who is John Corin?" her father had said. Had her mother not told him about the other marriage? About the first man? About her? Perhaps the divorce had come while her mother had still barely been pregnant; even earlier than Mandy had thought. Could her mother really have remarried so fast that the second husband had thought Mandy was his daughter? It sure sounded like her mother.

This must have been why Mandy could never remember John. And her father's confusion. He had always thought that Mandy was his daughter. Her mother must have just let him believe it. She had been all alone and pregnant, and she had needed someone to support her, so she must have just remarried, letting the new man think she was still yet to be a bride.

Well, now he knew. Her mother would have no choice but to face up to the ugly truth. "I was pregnant when I married you. Mandy is not your daughter." She could just hear her mother's voice. Man, her parents were going to have a glorious time getting through this one.

She let herself fall backwards onto her bed, thinking about all the things that had happened to her over the week. First Billy, then Grim, and now them. Everyone around her was getting into all sorts of fights and confusion. And it was all to do with her. It was all beginning to be a bit much. She wanted to get out. Just say goodbye to all of it and start fresh. She wanted... to run away.

That was it. She was going to do it. She was going to find John Corin-- really find him. Then, she could run away and live with him. It was perfect.

She opened up her closet and pulled out her small, brown suitcase. If she started packing today... she could leave in perhaps a week. It was a crazy plan, she knew. Half of her mind was screaming, "_What are you packing for?! You can't just leave! You don't even know where he is! Stop it! Stop it now, while you're still sane!"_ But the rest of her-- her arms and legs and free will-- wasn't listening. She was going to do it. She was really going to do it.

In the suitcase, she began putting a couple books, articles of clothing. She would go through the next week or so acting as if nothing was going on. She would go to school, hang out with Billy, Irwin, and Grim, and go on with life. And then she would just be gone.

She hid the suitcase under her bed. Later that night, she couldn't get to sleep. All she could think of was her perfect, perfect plan, and how she was really, finally making it happen.

The next couple of days went by with the usual events. Her parents avoided her, she went to school, Billy and Irwin annoyed her, she came home, she talked to Grim. It was all quite normal, until she came home from school one Thursday.

When she approached the front door, she could hear the low murmur of many voices. That was strange. Were her parents having company? She opened the door to find a group of about eight or nine people sitting in the living room. This included her parents, Billy's parents, and Grim. The rest were neighbors and acquaintances she had seen come and go from time to time. What were they all doing here?

As she entered the room, things got quiet. Everyone laid eyes on her. That wasn't good. A pack of adults didn't just stop everything they were doing and give their full attention to a child walking in on them. Not unless something was wrong.

Her mother cleared her throat. "Mandy, we want to talk to you about John Corin."

Mandy sighed. "What, that's it? Yeah. I like him better than you. Big surprise."

Her mother paused for a moment.

"Honey, where did you hear about him?"

"Don't call me that."

"Where did you hear about John, Mandy?"

"I don't remember. Somewhere. A long time ago."

Her mother looked concerned. "Did somebody tell you about him?"

"Maybe. I don't remember."

"Have you met this man before?"

"No."

"Have you ever tried to contact him?"

"That's none of your business!"

"Mandy."

She stopped, looked down.

"I... I've written him letters."

Her mother began to look worried. "How many?"

"Stop asking me questions!" Mandy barked.

"I said, how many, Mandy," her mother said. "How many letters have you written this man?"

Mandy breathed in. "Fifty," she said at last. "Maybe sixty-something."

The room looked shocked. Her mother began to cry.

"Oh, Mandy...," she said through her sobs. "Mandy..."

What... what was going on? This was a bit disturbing.

"Are...," she said, in spite of herself. "Are you okay?"

Her mother just kept crying. Everyone in the room was looking from Mandy to her mother to Mandy again.

"Let... me handle this," Grim said to the sobbing mess on the couch. He walked up to Mandy and knelt down in front of her, so that he was closer to her level.

"Mandy," he said, a concerned smile on his face, "you can tell us anything."

What the heck was that supposed to mean?!

"What... what are you trying to do...?"

Grim put his hands on her shoulders.

"We're trying to help."

"Get away from me!" Mandy yelled. She pulled away from his grasp. "John Corin is my real father, and I like him better than any of you! _Any_ of you!! I don't care what you guys try to do. He's my father, and I love him! And you're never going to change my mind! Never in any way!"

Her mother began to cry even louder. Grim looked more worried.

"Mandy," he said quietly. "Listen to me."

She stared up at him. There was something strange in his voice, in the way he was suddenly acting. Her stomach began to feel cold. Panic began to run through her.

"I know you love him, but you need to understand."

No.

"Mandy..."

Don't say it.

"Listen..."

Don't say it. Please, don't say it.

"John Corin is..."

"_No!!_" she practically screamed. She ran down the hall and into her room.

"Mandy!" she could hear them calling to her through the locked door. "Mandy! Come back!"

"Leave me alone!" she yelled. She looked around. Without thinking, she took off her backpack and dumped the contents out of it. Pens and notebooks toppled out onto the carpet. Then, she opened the closet door and pulled out her old, beaten-up shoe box. She shoved it into her backpack, along with a few extra sheets of stationary. Then, she opened the bedroom door and took off past the sea of adults.

They tried to grab her. Tried to pull her in by her backpack. But she pulled loose and ran as fast as she could go, through the living room and out the front door.

She could hear Grim and the others calling after her. At first, they chased her, but she lost them quickly. She darted around corners and across streets, until, at last, it was just her and the lonely city. She felt her backpack bounce lightly as she ran.


	11. Running Away

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

- - - - - - - - - -

For hours, she did nothing but run, occasionally resting on a park bench or next to a store. Finally, it was too dark out to see where she was anymore. By the time she could see the first several stars, she had arrived at a little gas station.

She couldn't read any of the street signs. They were all smothered by dark, and so were the houses. Truth was, she had been wandering for the past half hour or so, not really knowing where she was. Now, all she had was her island of florescent light and the occasional street lamp to see her way with.

She stepped quietly through the bluish gleam, scanning her surroundings. She decided it would be stupid to plunge back into the dark alone, so instead she sat down against one of the gas pumps and just waited for something to happen.

Mandy shivered. It was a chilly night. She pulled off her backpack and hugged it, which made her feel a little warmer. She pulled it close to her chest, listening to the letters slide around in the shoe box. The corners of the cardboard dug into her middle.

_Suddenly, she had a strong feeling of déja vu. In her mind's eye, she could see a young girl of about four, lying on a bed and hugging her pillow close to her chest. The girl was breathing hard, uneven breaths, her eyes filled with fury and almost even tears._

Mandy blinked the image out of her brain. Where on earth did that keep coming from? That memory must have been years old! She shuddered a little. Mandy hated to picture herself like that. She couldn't quite remember why she had been so upset but she didn't like it.

She sat against the cold metal, feeling goosebumps rise on her bare arms and legs. There was no convenience store to go into; this was a small, quiet gas station without much business. She sat for perhaps hours, watching the occasional car drive through to fill up. A lot of the drivers gave her strange looks. One even offered her money, but she tossed the dollar bills in the driver's face and told him she didn't need his stupid pity.

And then, after a while, no more cars came. She was alone once again.

It had grown even darker, and gotten even later. She was very tired by now, and was beginning to feel that she could drift off to sleep right then and there, if not for the cold. Her eyelids were just beginning to droop, when she felt something touch her shoulder from behind. It was a hand. A cold, thin hand.

Instantly, she snapped into conciousness and whirled around.

"You creep! I swear, if you touch me again I'll--"

Then, she saw that it was only Grim.

"Oh...," she said slowly. "It's you."

"I don't believe you, Mandy!" said Grim. "Do you know how long I've been lookin' for you?!"

"Leave me alone, Grim. I'm not going back there with you."

"Well, then, where in the heck are you planning to go?!"

Mandy hesitated. Where was she going, anyway?

"I'm not going back," she repeated.

Grim sighed. "Mandy. You have to come back. We just want to talk to you about this..."

"There's nothing to talk about. I like John Corin better than I ever liked any of you. As soon as I find out where he lives, I'm gonna send him my letters, and then I'm gonna move in with him!"

"Mandy..."

"Don't try to tell me otherwise! You're not the boss of me!"

"Mandy."

"Stop, Grim. I don't care about my other parents. I want him to be my father!"

Grim just looked at her quietly.

"Mandy. You have to listen to me."

She began to feel that same, ice-cold panic wash through her once again.

"No," she whispered.

"Mandy, I know you're angry at your parents..."

"No. No. Stop."

"... and I know you don't want to live with them..."

"Stop. Shut up."

"... but you're gonna have to face the facts."

"No. Stop! Shut up!!" she started to yell. She began to back toward the gas pumps.

"Mandy--"

"Stop it!!"

"Mandy, John Corin isn't real."

She stared at him, frigid sweat becoming present on her forehead. Grim's words hung in the air like bubbles suspended in glass. He held her gaze firmly. Then she glared at him. Her voice became a whisper once again.

"No," she breathed. "He_ is_ real. He misses me. He wants to meet me."

"He doesn't exist, Mandy."

"He's real. He's real and he loves me!"

"Listen to what you're saying, girl!"

"It's true!"

"No! Mandy!" He took hold of her arms. "You're a sensible girl! Think about what you're doing!"

"But I-- I know about him! I always have!"

"Where did you hear about him?"

"I... I don't remember! I just did!"

Grim just looked at her, and she began to realize how unrealistic it all must sound.

"I... I... I wrote him letters. A whole box of them."

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"He's real, Grim!" she said.

"Then why didn't you send the letters?"

"The... the address. I didn't know the address..."

"Why didn't you send the letters, Mandy?" Grim repeated. "You could've asked your mother for the address. Why didn't you try to find out?"

"She wouldn't have told me."

"She gives you everything you want."

"Well... but I..."

"Why didn't you send the letters?" Grim asked again.

Mandy fell silent. Her entire form was brimming with desperate rage. He couldn't do this to her. This was her life. It was her business, not his.

"Get your hands off me," she mumbled.

"What?"

Mandy swatted his hand away.

"I said, don't _touch me!!_" she shouted.

"Hey, now. Listen!" He reached toward her again. This time she swung a punch at his arm.

"Ow! Don't you hit me, child!"

But she hit him again. And again. Over and over. Suddenly, she couldn't stop; she was freaking out. Yesterday, it had all been normal. Now, she was cold and angry and alone in the middle of the night in a strange place with this idiot who didn't understand a thing he was talking about. All she knew was that she hated Grim. She hated him. And he was wrong, completely wrong about her father. And she just wanted to hit him as hard as she could until he understood.

"Mandy! What are you doing?! Stop that this instant!"

This _instant_? He didn't own her! He couldn't tell her what to do! She kept trying to swing at him, but he grabbed hold of her fists and held them there in midair.

"Admit it! He isn't real!"

"Yes he is!"

She pulled her hands out of his and tried to hit him again, breathing hard. Then, Grim took hold of one of her hands and slapped it. Not hard, but hard enough.

"Stop it," he said plainly.

Mandy stared at him incredulously. "Did you just slap my hand...?"

"Yes, because you're being a brat."

"You don't have the right...!"

"Well, it's a known fact your parents aren't giving you any decent discipline."

"I don't believe you had the nerve to just do that!"

Mandy walked a yard or two away from him.

"Mandy! Come back here!"

She just glared at the ground.

"Mandy! I didn't come all the way out here to find you just to have you stand there and pout at me!"

No answer. She folded her arms.

"Mandy...," Grim's face softened. "We need to go back home."

No answer. She continued to stare at her feet. There was a momentary silence.

"Okay...," Grim said slowly. "Then, let's just go for a walk."

Mandy remained where she was, but slowly dropped her arms to her sides. Then, she walked over to where he was standing. Together, they stepped back into the darkness, listening to the hum of the florescent lights fade behind them.


	12. The Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

He was real. He had to be. Grim was wrong. Wrong. Everyone was wrong. She and Grim walked down the lamp-lit sidewalk. Her arms were folded; she was holding herself against the cold. And the confusion.

He had to be real. He had always been real. He was out there. Somewhere. He couldn't be anything but real. He was her father. Her _father_...

"Why can't you believe me...?" she whispered. "Why can't you _listen_ to me?"

Grim was completely quiet, save for his footsteps. He faced directly ahead of him. She stared up at him, waiting for his answer. It never came.

"He's my father, Grim."

Nothing.

"He's real!" she shouted. She waited. Nothing.

"Answer me," she said. "Answer me!"

She stopped walking. Grim stopped, too. She watched his face, waiting. He slowly began to shake his head.

"I'm sorry, Mandy."

She narrowed her eyes, and they both resumed walking.

John Corin was her father. He was real. It wasn't true, what everyone was saying. It had to be a misunderstanding. John Corin was out there, and he was waiting for her. He had to be more than a dream. He couldn't be a dream, not now. Not after she had given him half her life, and all her heart. He couldn't be...

_Suddenly, and image entered her mind. A young girl of about four._ Mandy stopped walking again and stood there, staring at the moonlit pavement. Grim stopped with her and turned around to look at her.

"Mandy?" he said, coming closer. "Are you alright?"

She didn't say anything. She just kept staring at the ground._ Remembering._

_The girl was small, but sullen. She followed no one's rules, and she usually kept _

_to herself. She had very short, blonde hair and big, black eyes. And she had two parents, who didn't really ever seem to know she was there. She knew that her parents wanted nothing to do with her. This notion would make most children quite sad. But this little girl didn't become sad very easily. Instead, she was angry._

_She and her parents fought all the time, and she very quickly learned that they were scared of her. This made her even angrier at them, because she knew that no respectable parents were afraid of their own children._

_Of course, her parents loved her in public. If someone was there to see it, her parents made sure that they had a very happy-looking family. But this only made things worse, because her parents were not only cowards, but fakes, and she knew it._

_She hated her parents. She'd never told them this, but she hated them. She lived with them, every day and every night, and she only wanted to hurt them. Everything they said made her angry-- every fake, carefully-chosen word-- and everything they did made her boil with rage. She despised their very existence, hated all that they stood for. This caused her great pain, because she also loved them very, very much._

_One day, she decided to give them a chance. They were stupid, narcissistic lowlives-- she knew that-- but they were still her parents. She wanted to tell them that she loved them._

_Now, she wasn't sure how to go about doing this. After all, she wasn't really a "love" type of person. She couldn't just come up and tell them. It would feel too weird. So, in the end, she decided to write a letter._

_She wrote it on a single piece of plain, white copy paper, in fading, black marker. It was a simple letter, written on one side of the paper in her large, childish hand:_

_DEAR MOMMY_

_DEAR DADDY._

_I LOVE YOU._

_FROM. MANDY._

_That was all._

_She took it to the living room and handed it to her father. He was on the couch, watching his favorite, stupid football game. He took it, glanced at it, then put it down next to him._

_"That's nice, Mandy," he said._

_"No, read it." She picked up the letter and put it back in his hands. After a few seconds, he said, "At the commercial."_

_She waited to the commercial._

_"Now read it," she said._

_He picked it up and looked at it. Then, his face changed and he read it over again._

_"What is this?" he said slowly._

_"It's a letter."_

_He hesitated. "What do you want?"_

_"What?"_

_"Tell me what you want, and I'll get it for you."_

_She looked at him, confused. Her ears began to heat up._

_"I don't want anything. I just love you."_

_"Mandy, you don't have to pretend, okay? I'll buy you whatever you want."_

_"I'm not pretending," she said. "I just love you."_

_He looked at her for a moment, but not in her eyes. He never looked right in her eyes. Then, he laughed. He laughed._

_"Yeah, right," he said, turning back to his game._

_That was all it took. In a flash, she snatched the paper from his hand. Letting out a scream, she punched his leg as hard as she could._

_"Then, I hate you!!" she yelled. "How does that sound?!"_

_Later that night, she lay on her side in her bed. Shaking. She hugged her pillow close to her chest. In her trembling left hand, she held the single, crumpled sheet of plain, white paper. She breathed hard, uneven breaths, her eyes filled with hatred and almost even tears._

_She had given them one chance to be parents, real parents, and they had blown it. Now, she hated them even more than she ever had. Especially him._

_Her mother was stupid. She couldn't help herself. But her father was smart enough to know better, and he didn't. For that, she despised him most of all._

_But she couldn't just hate him. Not this much. After all, he was her father._

_Right?_

_But of course, he couldn't be her father. Not really. Right? Because fathers loved you. Fathers looked out for you, but he never did that. Fathers, real fathers, were interested in their daughters' daily lives. They worried when their daughters didn't talk to them. They actually made eye contact without being afraid. Her father couldn't do any of those things. In fact, he didn't look or act anything like her. And right then, in her room, she came to the simple conclusion that he wasn't her father. He just couldn't be._

_And her real father? He was a good man. Probably lived quite far away. Like, several states, even. That was why she'd never run into him. And he must have gotten divorced with her mother very early on, which was why she couldn't remember him. Yes. Yes, of course. It made perfect sense._

_Her father here was a jerk. Her father here was a stupid, no-good coward. He could hardly be considered a father, anyway._

_Besides._

_A little make-believe never hurt anyone._


	13. Alone in the World

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

- - - - - - - - - -

So it was true. She stood there, frozen solid, still staring at the ground in front of her. There was no sound around her, just a whirl of confusion. Quietly, she walked over and sat on a park bench. Grim sat next to her.

He... wasn't real. John Corin wasn't real. A cold, emptiness began to sink through her. So much was suddenly twisting and tangling inside her; it was like being caught in a limbo of emotion. Shock, anger, fear, sadness-- her mind was spinning, and she didn't know what to feel. But mostly, she felt alone. Never in her life had she felt so completely alone.

_I LOVED YOU_, she wanted to scream. _I LOVED YOU, AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME! YOU BETRAYED ME! YOU BETRAYED ME, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DID!!_

_Stop it_, a little voice inside her was rebuking her. _He never did anything to you. You're horrible to think something like that. Stop it._

_But why should she?_ another voice said in nearly mocking tones. _After all, he isn't real._

He wasn't real. That was the bottom line, wasn't it? This whole time... All the things she'd said and done. And for what? Had it all been for a dream? For a figment of her imagination? What had it all been for?

For a long time, she said nothing. She just sat there, trembling in the frigid night. Not daring to scream, to cry, to move. Just wanting it all to end, wanting terribly to wake up the next morning with that same feeling of hope. With her father still being real, and there, and alive. But he wasn't! He wasn't real!

And what was she supposed to do now? Stop loving him? She couldn't. Not in a million years.

"Grim," she said. Her voice shook with her body, a weak, hopeless sound. "I wrote him... so many letters."

"I know," he said.

"I... loved him..."

"Yes," Grim said. "I know."

"I loved him, Grim."

"I know, Mandy. I know."

She began to breathe harder, louder, until her breath was coming in quick, shuddering gasps.

"Wh... what... what am I... supposed to do... now that he's gone...?"

Her voice was a mess of rising and falling. "He was all I had...! And now he's gone!"

Her voice began to grow, as the full weight of the realization began to sink in. "And I'm never gonna meet him. I'm never gonna see him!" She began to shout. "And he's never... he's never gonna read these stupid, stupid letters! And I'll never be able to write him any of the stupid things again, anyway!"

She was yelling by now; she didn't even care anymore. Sleepy windows began to light up, but it didn't matter. Nothing did. Not anymore.

"And you know what _else!?_" she screamed. "He's never gonna _love_ me!! He's never gonna _miss_ me!! And he never... he never... he never even _did_ miss me, ever, because he isn't _real!_ He _doesn't_ love me because he isn't _real! _He's _NOT REAL!!_"

Her words echoed across the dark buildings. Then the stillness resumed, all

but for the sounds of a young girl of about ten, shivering in the night and gasping for breath.

Grim rested a hand on her shoulder. She felt terribly numb all of a sudden.

"Take a deep breath," he said quietly. She did, wishing it would make her feel better. It didn't.

"I... I just want him back," she said. Her throat felt thick. She swallowed. She begged herself not to cry.

"I know," Grim said again. "I know."

They sat that way for a while. Then Grim felt her shivering and said, "You're going to get sick."

"Okay," she said after a moment. "Let's go home."

They walked together through the lonely neighborhoods, past darkened homes and lit streets. Neither of them said a word. Eventually, they arrived at Mandy's house. The lights were off, and her parents had gone to bed. Everyone else had gone home.

Mandy walked down the hall and into her room. She saw her open closet, and the corner of her brown suitcase poking out from under her bed.

"You were really gonna do it, weren't you?" she said to herself. She pulled her suitcase out from under her bed and opened it. Inside it, she had packed clothing, books, some money from her piggy bank. That was it. She wouldn't have been able to get by on any of that for more than a day. How could she have let herself think she'd had a chance?

She had tricked herself into believing it. She had tricked herself, just like she had tricked herself into believing in John. In fact, looking back, she had been keeping a relatively safe distance from reality for the past five, six years or so. All this trash about another father-- it was completely illogical. But she had let herself believe it. She felt so ashamed. Ashamed and betrayed.

She gave the suitcase a good kick and shoved it away. Then she took off her backpack and threw it across the room. She went and lay in her bed. She stared up at the ceiling. Who had she been trying to talk to all this time? Who had she thought she was kidding? She turned over, burying her face in her pillow.

"Idiot," she whispered to herself. "Idiot, Idiot, Idiot."


	14. Epiphany

Disclaimer: I do not own The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

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"Leave me alone."

"You have to get up," Grim said. "You have school."

Mandy didn't budge. "I'm not going to school today," she said through her pillow.

Grim crossed his arms.

"Mandy, you've been lying in bed all weekend."

It was true. She had managed to get through one Friday's worth of schoolwork, and had then come home and immediately dropped into bed. She hadn't spoken to any of her friends since Thursday night. All she had done was lie there in her room, staring at her backpack. At the box inside that she didn't dare open. She hadn't gotten any real sleep, either, and she'd barely even eaten. It was getting pretty bad.

"Now, I realize you're upset," Grim said, "and you need your rest, but really. You have things to do. You can't just carry on as if you have no life! Now, get up and go to school."

She just lay there.

"Mandy. Mandy."

She wouldn't reply. Grim hesitated.

"... Are you asleep?"

"No," she said.

"Well, get up."

Her answer was a negative grunt.

"Mandy!" his voice was a mixture of exasperation and pleading. "Just get out of bed!"

She finally rolled over a little, then slowly climbed out of bed.

"Now, change your clothes," Grim said. "The bus'll be here in ten minutes."

Usually, she would be considerably annoyed at his sudden bossiness, but now she didn't have the energy to get mad. She just stood for a moment, wondering why on earth he was now even daring to tell her what to do, when before he would not have had the nerve. Then she realized. She was casting a shadow over the house, and he wanted her to leave, because she was depressing everybody. Well, then, she would humor him. At least now, since she didn't feel like reacting. When she finally nodded, she figured she had been right; he looked relieved. She went to her closet, and he left the room.

Mandy opened her closet door and took out her school uniform. She put it on, then went to brush her hair and her teeth. She washed her face and looked in the mirror. She was a terrible sight. She was pale as a sheet, with dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. She washed her face a second time, but didn't look or feel any more awake. Man, she was a mess. She knew it, too. She repacked her backpack and went outside. She walked to the bus stop where Billy and Irwin were already waiting. Grim came with her.

"Hey, Mandy," Irwin said in his nervous voice. "You all ready for the test today? I've been studying all... whoa."

He and Billy began to stare at her.

"Are you okay?" Irwin said.

"Fine," she mumbled. "I'm fine."

"Are ya sure?" Billy said. "'Cause you look messed up!"

He had a tendency to blurt every other sentence that way. Mandy sighed, decided not to reply. Grim gave him a look.

"I... I mean," Billy corrected himself, "not _that_ messed up. Just kind of." He turned to Irwin. "_She looks like a dead person on crystal meth!_" he whispered. Loudly.

Mandy answered with a shrug and a toneless "Meh..." Then the bus arrived.

Mandy went through the entire school day in that same state. As she trudged her way through the movements of life, the whole thing began to seem increasingly meaningless. She felt a lot like a corpse on drugs, as Billy had suggested earlier. Sick and clammy, with nothing left inside her. She had never felt so utterly horrible.

When she finally got home, all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed. Her sheets were warm and comforting, and as she pulled them over her head, she decided that this time, she was never going to come back out.

There was a knock at the door. She heard Grim's voice.

"Mandy? Can I come in?"

"Whatever...," she said.

Grim opened the door slowly. At first, he stood there, making no sound. Then he came over, and she felt the bed sink as he sat on it.

"Mandy," he said.

She rolled over and sat up, looking at him.

"Did you eat lunch today?" he said.

Why was he asking her that? She shook her head.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Didn't feel like it."

"Did you eat breakfast?"

"No."

"Well, why aren't you eating?"

"Because I'm not hungry."

She flopped back down onto her pillow. He stared at her. She buried her face in her pillow again.

"Please get out of bed," he said.

"No."

"Well, why not? It's a nice day out! Come on!"

"Shut up." She didn't need this, not now. She had already gotten out and given him his peace and quiet. Now she was done doing him favors.

"Now, you listen to me!" he said. "You are going to get up, and you're getting out of this bed right now and going outside!"

"Go away."

"Just do it!"

She looked at him. "What do you care?"

Grim exhaled, and laid a hand on her arm. "Mandy," he said softly. "You know I hate to see you like this."

She looked down, then brushed his hand away. Grim sighed, and there was quiet.

"If he_ had _been real," Grim said, "do you think he would have wanted you to live like this?"

Mandy was still. "No." She started to sit up, then changed her mind. "But he's _not_ real," she said, "so what's the point?"

"Now, Mandy, you can't think like that."

"Well, I already am."

"Well, _stop_."

Mandy looked up, surprised. He had said it loudly. He touched her arm again.

"Now, do you want to talk about this?" he said, looking her in the eyes. Right in the eyes. Mandy sat up very slowly.

"I guess you could say it was kind of a game, at first," she said. "When I was younger."

She straightened up. "I would write a letter, tell him about my life. It was fun." She sighed. "Then, I started to write to him every day. The letters became more and more a part of my life, and I got more, you know, attached to them. And to him. I mean, for the first year or so, I wouldn't have cared if someone found my letters, read them, or even destroyed them. I didn't even start saving them until a couple months after I'd begun writing them. I'd leave them lying around, even throw them away. Until I was about five. That's when I started wanting it all to be real."

Mandy paused for a moment. She took hold of her pillow and wrapped her arms around it. Then, she continued.

"I started to believe I was really writing to someone. You know how little kids can't always tell the difference between real and pretend? Well, it was like that, kind of. It's just that, usually, the kid stops believing his or her imagination at some point, and I never really did. And I made up this stupid, hare-brained story about him and me, and how he'd take me away, or something. Let me live with him. It got more elaborate as time went by.

"Finally, I had totally convinced myself that he was out there, waiting for me. By the time I was six, I was having dreams about him. I... I just got so caught up in it... It felt so... real."

She rubbed her face. Then she sighed, resting her chin on her pillow.

"I feel like a moron." She began to shiver a little again, even though she wasn't cold. "I can't believe I let myself get so deluded," she said. "I'm an idiot!"

She sighed, and sat there. She began to tremble even more. Why was she shaking so much? Grim watched her. Then, he put his arms around her. This caught her by surprise; she became tense for a moment. Then, she relaxed and decided not to brush him away.

"No," he said. "You're not."

"I am," she said. "I'm a complete, total idiot! I never should have let it go this far! This whole time-- I was just so... stupid!"

"Don't say that."

"Well, it's true!"

"Shh," Grim said. "No, it's not."

He pulled her closer to him. It was such a good, solid feeling; no one had ever held her that way in her life.

"You shouldn't talk about yourself like that," he said. "You're an extremely intelligent girl. You know that."

"Well," she said, "all that stuff I believed... Does that make me... crazy?"

"No," Grim shook his head. "Of course not. You see, if a child has any reason to believe that their parents don't, well, love them, it can be very hard on that child. Some kids might spend countless hours trying to win their parents over. Some might try to be things they can't be just to get their parents to notice them. Some even do terrible things just to get some attention. You just... found something else to believe. It was your way of dealing with it all. Now, I can't say it was completely, um..., healthy, but it doesn't make you crazy."

Mandy sighed.

"I just wish it hadn't happened. I wish I'd never let myself get like this," she squeezed her pillow, beginning to shiver once again. "I just can't believe I actually wasted the last six years of my life trying to pretend I was really talking to someone, trying to pretend I had a real father I could actually look up to and respect, trying to _pretend_ there was actually someone out there who _actually_ gave more than an old, stupid, moldy _dishrag_ about me--"

"Now, Mandy!" Grim said. "I know you're upset about this. And you should be. Some things in your life took a strange turn that could only lead to pain in the end. There's no way to go back and undo it. But listen to me. You don't need to go and pretend people care about you."

He spoke the last sentence clearer, slower, then paused, perhaps to let it sink in.

"Look at Billy," he said. "He cares about you. And Irwin cares about you. And Billy's mother and father? They were so _worried_ about you when you ran away. I should know! Mandy, they see you as one of their own. Even that Nergal boy. Billy's cousin."

"Him?" she said. "I don't think so."

"Well, I think he does. Look, Mandy," Grim smiled, "there are so many people out there who care for you. So many real people who see you every day. You know that they all want you to start being yourself again. They love you. And look at me."

She looked at him. He smiled down at her.

"I love you," he said. "And I'm here for you, just like all the others."

She stared at him, not quite able to find words. This all felt so much like a dream.

"Grim, I--" She tried to speak, but her throat caught again and no words would form. Instead, she sat there, feeling his arms wrapped tightly around her. She had always kind of wondered what it was like to be held this tightly, to be pressed so close that she could hear a person's voice on the inside of them, as well as out. It was a lovely feeling, really. After a moment, she reached up and hugged him back, and she didn't let go for a very long time.

"Mandy," Grim said finally. "It's still a beautiful day. Why don't you go outside?"

Mandy sat for a moment, thinking. "All right," she said at last. They both stood up, headed for the door. Then Mandy said, "Do you want to come, too?"

"Huh?"

"I don't know," she said. "Maybe we could go to the park, or something. Walk around, that kind of stuff." She looked at her feet, then back up at him. "Wanna come?"

Grim looked a little surprised, at first, and for a moment she thought he was going to say no. Then, he smiled.

"Of course, Mandy," he said. "I would love to come with you."

He took her hand, and they walked down the hall and out the door. As they stepped outside together, Mandy felt something new. Standing there in the breeze and in the sun, she found that with Grim and all the others by her side, she was ready to face life, reality, and the world. She was ready to let go of the past. She was ready.


End file.
